A First Grader Comes of Age and the Inferno of Computers

Well--not much news to report regarding our adventure--but, since my visitor counter tells me that there are real live people who check in and read this blog, maybe I should drop by and say hello, buon giorno, ciao or whatever. Actually, PREGO would be good--for all of you who take the time to follow this saga through the mysteries and labyrinth of the LA Consulate--which is rumored to lead the way for alien invasion of golden Italy.

Never Never Land--located somewhere deep within the LA Italian Consulate.

The Big Event This Week: School is out and Casey (KC) is a second grader. He thinks he is pretty special (of course, he is) as he struts and grins from ear to ear. He's very proud of earning all E's and G's in academics with just a couple S's in behaviorial type things--such as settling down to work and focusing.

Here in San Diego even 1st graders have pretty stiff learning curriculums--certainly more than in my day. As an educator in my past life, albeit secondary level, I have serious reservations about 6 year olds being in school 6 1/2 hours a day followed by 15-30 minutes of homework and then a substantial time set aside for reading. When sports and other activities important in developing a dimensional person are factored in to this, our little ones begin stress overload very early in life--too early in my mind. When first graders begin to worry about achievement tests they will be required to take in second grade, it becomes pretty clear that some how we have skewed our priorities.

Check Me Out!------I'm a Second Grader!

Now as I write this, he and Papa are spending the night at the world famous San Diego Zoo--a unique way to ring in Father's Day.

Is he sleeping with

or or

What ever--it will be a night of adventure and dreams and wonderful memories! The question is "how will Papa handle all this?"

Now computers:

I finally met the enemy this week--a virus! Last week at the Little League party, one of the sisters, unbidden and permissionless, helped herself to my computer (the one that serves as my network hub) and, wherever she went on it, left a very sick machine. I couldn't even get to system restore--windows was totally inaccessible. I worked on it--to no avail--and then took it to a little computer repair shop down the road. Major mistake--the man there made things worse. Before his help, I could access programs and data; after his ministrations, the screen had disintegrated into inpenetrable blackness. Not nice. So--after a day and a half spent with stress level rising by the minutes and seconds, I did what we all try to avoid--called a friend who can do all and, yes, that nemisis of humankind is defeated, windows function and.....all data exists. Now I owe said friend my life.

Italy: Things are sort of sitting. But--as they sit, hopes are rising and anticipation grows. Our attorney has written a brilliant case for the judge to clarify our rights in such a way that even the strange people with the LA Consulate will understand what guardianship means. Or--is it much too optimistic to hope for that. Since they will not answer letters, faxes or e-mails, predicting their actions is somewhat difficult. Customer service is not their thing.

The good news and the great "burden off the shoulders" release is the solution for renting our house. We have been concerned about this because it would be difficult to maintain a house here while absorbing the expenses of life in Italy--plus, leaving a house empty for a year is not wise. But--renting is always a risk--and finding someone to rent a furnished house for the exact period of need is akin to finding the needle in the haystack.

The solution: Our son and his roommate will rent it--perfect! They are reliable, son knows the house, the dog can stay, mail can be handled, care will be taken. They get a reduced rent and we get peace of mind. The housekeeper, the gardner and the pool guy will continue to do their things. And--we will be able to rent in Italy a little easier.

Ciao for today.

3 A.M--High Gear Brain!

The road to dreams!?!

Of course, anyone who has ever sought expat or extended stay status in Italy has traveled the road we are now on--the one that is filled with potholes, weed-filled cracks, big potholes, speed traps, really big potholes, deadends and enormous potholes.

So--we have programmed our minds to view the process as an adventure, just as life in general is. And, our spirits are buoyed remembering that the sagas we have followed over time have ended up just fine. People who have become friends via cyberspace now live, laugh, play and work in captivating Italy-where new potholes are found and bounced through. The adventures of life just keep multipling.

Where are we with the visa? Not very far but wheels are churning and maybe turning. I contacted the highly touted attorney in Rome who responded the very next day with a game plan that sounded super impressive--conveying complete confidence that bureaucracy was merely a stumbling block.

As soon as I riceived it, I've started to think about how to help you. I suppose that the case can be solved before in judicial session and then at the Consulate....

Of course he had more to say and needs copies of paperwork, judge's order, etc. but he was quite encouraging.

Then--our dear friend, Nico, told me to put everything on hold while he works on this with various contacts.

Before you start handing cash over, lets see what we can do with a couple of phone calls and the odd coffee meeting.

Don't you love the Italian way of getting things done?

So--now I feel we are in very good hands and wisdom will prevail over the morass of bureaucracy! Things are happening the Italian way and in that is comfort and confidence.

In addition, our attorney here is going to court in an ex parte hearing to get a definitive statement regarding a long term stay out of the country. This is totally legally unnecessary but, it should address any lingering doubts in the minds of whomever reviews the application. Oh--to live an ordinary, normal life--but, is there such a thing?

My 3 am brain

Now--why with all this hopeful news does my brain hit overdrive at an hour when stable people dream? Well--here's a partial list:

1. How does one handle money concerns abroad? Rent? Utilities? Day to day money can come from ATM machines, drawing on our accounts here--but, that won't work for everything. How much will we lose in conversion? Do we need to open an account with an Italian bank???????????

2. How are we ever going to learn enough Italian to be functional? Neither of us is a talented language learner--heaven knows we have tried in the past and that was with Spanish--a language that is as common as English here in San Diego.

3. Do we want KC in a public or private school? I redecide this daily--sometimes hourly.

4. Is this really the thing to be doing?

5. Where are we going to find a place to live that borders on a reasonable rent?

6. How are we going to get everything we need over there? And--what do we need?

7. When should we go on our planning and arranging trip?

8. Why can't I sleep and are the next 12 months going to be like this or is this just the opening gamut jitters?

On top of this and maybe the why behind the unreasonable stress so far out is that, in our great and unfathomable wisdom, we have chosen now to redesign and reconstruct the entire facade of our house. This means pulling money out of our equity (always a butterfly in the gut process), trying to get contractor bids (akin to finding the hen's teeth), coordinating the stucco people with the paver people with the painter people with the roofer people (a totally joyless and improbable task) and wondering if we really want modified rounded arches in the entry or what? I read of what people are going through in Italy as they transform their homes--but, really it is just as frustrating here. It takes weeks for a contractor to return a call and then weeks more to get their bids--super frustrating!!

But--we are truly lucky people because we have Casey--KC--who always, always without a single failure cheers us, gives a smile, makes us smile, hugs with abandon and loves unconditionally. He is a constant reminder that what counts in life is not the material but the relational. We thank God daily and continually for this life and that he is ours. So--to cheer you--here's your gift of a smile.

Mr. Personality

Attorneys and Pool Parties

Is it possible that you wonder about the title of this entry--you don't understand the connection between attorneys and pool parties? The truth is there is none--I just want to talk about both right now. One because it is a semi-update on the real purpose of this blog--defeating bureaucracy and getting to Italy--and the other because it involves the focus and center of our lives--Casey, or KC depending on the day.

Business first: All that has happened in the saga since the lovely interaction with the scintillating and encouraging LA Consulate is that we have contacted our attorney here--the one who represented us in the guardianship issue, and Signore Giovanni Papperini--an Italian attorney in Rome who specializes in expat concerns and issues. He comes highly recommended by Cristina, the moderator of the Expats in Italy board and friends who needed his services with their visa difficulties. Since, according to his site, his offices work with General Motors, Toyota, Michelin and other equally small entities, the euro signs are just popping up like fireworks in my ever active imagination.

It will be interesting to see what these two officers of the law have to say. I guess one possibility is that they will tell us just to pack it in but, I hope not. I choose to believe that Papperini is a true Italiano who knows how to move within the mysterious labryinth of Italian law. And--I have confidence in our attorney here that he will know exactly how to approach the court in such a way to get what is needed.

So that is all that has happened on that front..

Oh--not quite so. I forgot the uplifting news and reminder that good friends are a treasure not to be taken for granted. Opening my e-mail today was a message from one of my most favorite people--Nico (see his charming visage on the May 20th entry) of Montepulciano.

have been to Chiusi questure police station - imigration to talk about your situation.
Massimo will help with the car.
Frabrizio must get back to me with the rental. Infact I have now made a note to call him on Monday.
Lets get an action plan done - what do you think?

With a friend like this, it is hard to get discouraged. It's like handing out hope. If you are in the area of Bagno Vignoni in Tuscany, it is well worth your while to include his restaurant Il Leone in your itinerary for a wonderful dinner. If you do this be sure to tell him that Jane and Ken say hello--maybe you'll be treated to a special after dinner libation. Now I will need to make certain he reads this so that he'll know what to do!

On to Casey--my most favorite subject of all because he is such a gift from God and blesses us richly and continuously.

Before regaling you with his Little League pool and barbecue party here yesterday--where we cavort with our new peer group of parents of 1st graders, let me share with you a cute story about him.

A friend of ours (60+ years) had strep throat last week and so, in his bedtime prayer, Casey prayed with great concern: Dear Jesus, please take care of Mr. Park's neck. I know it's heartburn because I have had heartburn three times. So please take it away. Sure enough, Mr. Park was fine the next day--actually, I'm not certain about that but it makes such a good ending.

Dear Jesus--Praying in duomo in Ortygia, Sicilia

OK--Pool Party Time
Casey has been a Padre this year--playing at the Rookie level. For those of you not familiar with the world of Little League this is the division where the boys and girls have live pitching for two innings and then a pitching machine for the last four. Fortunately for all concerned, the games have a 2 hour limit or we wouldn't be the only old folks at the end of the season.

Love the Form! He's a right handed batter!

This is a lot better--end of season!

To our great disappointment, the season is coming to an end--whatever will we do with our time? Maybe reconnect with our friends in the older crowd.

What I am finally getting to is that yesterday we hosted a swim/barbecue party for the team, including grownups and siblings. A new rendition of the old challenge of how many people can fit into a phone booth--or a Volkswagon Beetle was born right here in our backyard--how many kids can fit into a small, pool side jacuzzi?

The answer is--enough to displace all the water so that the patio and barbecue area is totally flooded and a slipping, sliding menace to life and limb. This is accompanied with so much whooping and hollering that we thank God for tolerant and deaf neighbors.

This is half of the number that was there! But what fun!

Kids having fun--What joy!

When our four children were growing up and playing sports a lifetime ago, I assiduously avoided such things as being Team Mom--just not my thing; although, I did go to games and root for my darlings, but being a mother hen just wasn't me. Guess what I was this year? Yep--you're right, halfway. I was assistant Team Mom. And the kids all called "Casey's grandma" whenever there was reason to get my attention. It seems that after years of seeking my identity, I have now fully lost it. Who am I? Obviously you need to find the 6-year-old to find the answer.

So-the sunshone, trophies were presented, assistant team mom was presented with a lovely bunch of flowers and nice gift, the pool was emptied of liquid and all slept as never before when heads hit pillows last night. And---Ken and I felt as if we had done something really special for our special boy.

The Consulate, The Visa...What To Do?

Gee--Looking Up Works!
Ok--now I'm ready to pull my head out of the sand and begin the coping and "let's solve the problem" mentality that I used so well in pre-retirement days. It is impossible to be successful as a junior high school administrator without facing problems head-on and finding a way around, through, over or under them. Burying just doesn't work--sort of like New Orleans cemeteries--when the storms come, what's down there just sort of floats on up.

So--I decided yesterday to take the plunge and call the the Los Angeles Consulate office--you will remember that there are eleven consulates in the US and each one sort of, more or less, does its own thing--Italian bureacracy style. I would rather not have to use LA as, from what I understand from people on the Expats in Italy forum, it has been having difficulties--but, sometimes choices aren't available and we march as we must. Anyway, I guess they do OK if things are rather ordinary but--we have never been ordinary--haven't quite figured out that life would be quite less complicated if we were.

It has been two weeks since the woman, who so thoughtfully raised my awareness level by clarifying that moving to another country is not the same as deciding to change hair color, had me fax the legal paperwork about the guardianship issue. And surprise! I have heard nary a word in reply.

So, I decided to take the plunge into bureaucratic darkness and--remembering that the visa office does not take phone calls until 2 PM waited until 3 to call. I knew that this would not be an easy venture as my helpful lady had declined to give me her name. Thus, I had no person or reference to give and wondered if anyone would have a clue as to what I was talking about.

Next came the descent into 21st century telephone etiquette--the world of the disembodied voice giving instructions, warnings and options--which we are always told are in a state of change--heaven help the poor caller who misses the option and must start over. Never mind that it is missed because no relevant option has been offered--right? And the Italian consulate has perfected this well--the enumeration of categories and the corresponding number is interminable and comprehensive--including what to do if you are an Italian citizen who has died here and wants to go home. But--there is no mention--not one--of a visa department.

Digression: For those of you who manage to read this, I give a helpful clue: In almost all telephone jungles, if you just press "O" at anytime, you will get connected to a real, live person! It's as if someone is just there lurking in the background. This works particularly well when calling United Airlines--one of those awful interactive phone robots.

After listening to all of the options, knowing that if I didn't do it the right way--for instance push "O" when I hadn't been told to, someone would be sure to point out the necessity for following instructions--gee, am I becoming paranoid, or what?, I finally did what I should have done at first and with mighty force, hit the bit "O". Lo and behold, a nice, young, man answered.

No--he couldn't connect me to the visa department because they were too busy to take phone calls. Could he help me? I explained the situation. He said: "Just a minute." And then disconnected me. So---I called back and dared to push "O" right away--feeling very brave.

Now the man told me that they still wouldn't take calls but he would see what he could do. And then---a miracle occured. I was talking to Sandra--that same woman who wouldn't give me her name last time.

She actually knew what I was talking about but was far, far from encouraging.....

"This case is very difficult and unusual. We have to send it to Rome for their decision."
I asked if they would be sending all of the paperwork or did they need something more.
"No, no, no--we won't send it now. It will be sent when you apply for your visa. You can't do that until 90 days before you go."

Now we have a very large problem.

In order to apply for a visa, we need to have:
1. A rental contract--maybe we can get by with a letter of invitation but I'm afraid that would not fly even though I am told it would (by my lady friend.)

2. Maybe--can't get a straight answer on this--proof that Casey is enrolled in a school. Even if this is not necessary, we need to enroll him in early spring for the fall semester--assuming we opt for the international school. This requires a considerable upfront outlay.

3. Our plane itinerary.

All of these things add up to a lot of euro! But--we won't know until Rome sends its decision if we can even go. And this is unusual enough that it's hard to tell what the powers will decide.

This Sandra also told me that there is no guarantee that Rome will make a decision within the 90 days as "they are very busy." Optimistically she said she thinks we have a major problem because of the mother's visitation rights--as she read it. I explained and began reading to her the order stating that we control all visitation rights-if, when, where, how. At this point she admitted that she isn't "a legal person" and so really doesn't understand it at all. "That is exactly why it goes to Rome and because we are talking about a minor child it is an iffy situation."

So--we are in a quandry. Do we just continue with our plans, trusting that all will work out--that the people in Rome have enough experience in these things to know what they are reading? And--it just now occured to me--do we need to get all the papers translated? I bet we do.

BUT--HOPE IS ON THE HORIZON!
Fortunately, the good folks on the Expats board have given me the name of an Italian attorney who has helped many of them with their problems. Hopefully, he will be able to give us advice that will get us through this. Wonder how much cost this will add to our dream fullfilment? But, then, what is money for if not to make dreams come true?

I keep pictures such as this in mind when seeds of discouragement seek to be planted. For, if they aren't planted, they can't grow!

This is Italy!

The Italian Visa Challenge

We're All Mad!

Confusion reigns--or so it seems when entering the schziophrenic world of Italian visas. After some minimal research including the Expats in Italy site, reading a book or two and perusing several of the eleven US Italian consulate sites, I knew we were headed into Alice's Wonderland.

The problem is that clarity is not an Italian bureacracy virtue--not that I have had much experience with this (yet)--but, both American friends who have hired Italian lawyers to explain law to the consulate and Italian friends who live with it daily convince me this is true. So--we are prepared for the carnival ride ahead of us.

Last week was the first of what I anticipate to be many contacts with the Los Angeles consulate--the one we are required to use. After checking several consulate sites and discovering that no two (there are eleven in the US) have the same requirements for an Elective Residence visa application, the logical step was to call and ask my questions (e-mails had not worked). In anticipation of the office's infamous brusque approach to inquiries, I had prepared my questions so that I could be efficient and organized during the conversation. However, this didn't work so well as the young (sounded young anyway) woman I talked with didn't really want to listen. I think she was having a bad day and was tired of dealing with people.

Among other things she graciously shared was that "deciding to move to another country is a major life decision--not like deciding to change your hair color." I appreciate this insight and continue to keep it in mind as we plan our "seven month move" to a country we like in inordinate ways.

I further aliented her when I asked if we needed to have a plane itinerary when we applied for the visa--as is stated on the website of another Italian consulate in the US.

Young woman: Does it say that on the LA site?"
Me: No, but..........
Young woman: Then why do you ask? Just because someone else says so doesn't mean we do.
Me: OK. I just wasn't sure.
Young Woman: I don't know why you would be confused.

One issue most of the consulates appear to agree on is that in order to be issued an elective residency visa (sometimes called a Long Stay visa), we must have a place to reside in Italy prior to application. This tends to mean a rental contract stamped by the local governmental agency where the apartment is located. But---there is an indication (not totally clear) that a Letter of Invitation from someone stating that you are going to live with them is also acceptable (again stamped by the local agency.)

Me: We can get an invitation and then stay with our friends for the first month while we look for a place to rent.
Young Woman: The Letter of Invitation must state you will be there for at least 6 months.
Me: But, could we move before 6 months when we find a place to rent?
Young Woman: You shouldn't plan on breaking the law. You need to be willing to follow Italian law if you are going to live there.
Me: That's why I'm asking the question, so that we can follow the laws. We don't want to break them.
Young Woman: (sigh)

Then I began to ask about what was needed for Casey. We had heard that we would need proof that he is enrolled either in an international school or in an Italian school and so wanted to find out more about that. Unfortunately, that question was short-circuited when I mentioned that we are the court-ordered guardians of Casey--which I did just to let her know that while we are the grandparents we have legal responsibility for him. Releasing this bit of information was a big, big mistake!!

Young Woman: You have a big problem. I don't think you can do it.

Now my heart sank as I envisioned a trip into a bureacratic nightmare of gargantuan proportions--I know that we can, but convincing the consulate might prove difficult. I knew that this young woman was not the fount of knowledge but how to find that source? Then the gods smiled and she admitted that she really didn't know about this type of thing and that she needed to speak to her manager--who was out of town. She asked that I fax my questions--I offered to include a copy of the court orders which she said would be good. She said she would get back to me on Thursday--this was Tuesday. I immediately faxed all the papers with a concise list of well-written, conciliatory, friendly, etc. questions --figuring I should do it while she was still in the office so someone would know what it is about. She preferred to remain nameless so I have no idea with whom I was speaking.

A week has gone by now--and--we haven't heard anything. Do we call and ask--or just let it be and take all of our papers with us when we go in to apply. It is a quandry that would mystify even Alice--I do believe. We would prefer not to drive all the way to LA and find we need to hire an Italian lawyer to pave the way but, then, if we call are we just asking for problems needlessly?

Oh, My--What to do? What to do?

Location--But First a Digression

I really wanted to, was going to and will write a paragraph or two about location, but, first, a few words about Casey--or KC as he is now re-identifying himself. It is such fun truly absorbing and experiencing a child growing up. We are learning that we see and appreciate so much in this process that simply eluded us and went unrecognized when we were parents--raising children, involved in our own work and ambitions, worrying about making the $$'s stretch, busy being upwardedly mobile. There is definitely something to be said about perspective that comes with age--particularly when that is accompanied by freedom from those early life stage worries. Now we see the little things that in reality are harbingers of things to come and provide clues into the workings of little minds as they try to sort out who they are and what growing up means.

Casey delightfully shares what is on his mind and what strange twist the current topic of thought has taken--sometimes in more detail than we ever what to know--as when he tries to explain what went wrong when rivulets appear to be running down the wall behind the commode. His word images are so vivid that I can only laugh uproariously as the story takes on characteristics of a Saturday morning cartoon.

Anyway, this week on the way home from school, the mute button had been pushed on his normally uncheckable loud and boisterous exuberance. He spoke softly, his English was impeccable, his manners were exquisite and the topic of his conversation was much more refined (in a 6-year-old way) than his normal discourse on who was looking over the stalls in the boys bathroom that day or who had managed to get his name on the board in class (always glad to share this when it isn't his--and, even when it is.)

Then, he provided the explanation for this new him. "I am practicing being a young man." Where that came from and what prompted it is a mystery, but----it has provided us with a whole new weapon in our aresnal of behavior control techniques. We just have to say "Where's the young man?" And--sometimes he emerges!--maybe.

It was just about that day, or maybe the next, that his papers began coming home with his new moniker--KC. I think it is kind of neat and so have no problem if he has exerted a little independence and promotes a new image. Actually, when in Italy his little girlfriend, Sofia, in Montepulciano calls him Kaazee (sort of a soft slur which is really charming.) So--he could even go with KZ to be really unique--or when we are living in Italy.


Sofia and Casey--Italian Charm, American Infatuation

OK--enough on Casey or KC--as you can see, I kind of get carried away with him.

LOCATION: Now that we have selected a school and trust that all will work out there, the question has become where to settle. We have been to Italy many times, but for some reason, can't picture exactly where Bagno A Ripoli, a suburb of Florence, is or what villages will be close enough to conveniently transport KC back and forth to school each day. And--of course the question is how to contact a rental agent who can work for us from afar. So, begins one of the many little processes which will be a part of the inordinate amount of time this little venture promises to steal. We have a list of agents from the school, maps, friends and cyber contacts who, put together, should make this piece surmountable.

You may ask why we choose to deal with this concern so early on in the planning--well, here is an example of dealing with bureacracy--Italiano style. In order to apply for an Elective Residency visa, we must have a rental contract signed and stamped by the local government agency in Italy. One can't just go and find a place to live after arrival. So--this is an issue that becomes important right from the beginning. Of course, this little glitch gives us a perfect reason for a pre-"big trip" trip--something we want to do anyway so that Casey (KC) can check out the school, know what he has in store, have some gelato and visit Sofia.

More later--but off to buy some patio furniture and other mundane errands.

Ciao!